Shallow showers

Mae arrived at her grandfather’s apartment at 5:51pm, and at 5:53pm his partner called her into the living room. It was a Thursday and Mae had just come from soccer practice, so she went into the guest room, where she slept, to put down her bags and take off her cleats. She then made her way down the dark, long, narrow hallway - her eyes still adjusting from the outside world. She delayed, going into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. Although they were hard to make out in the darkness, all along the hallway the walls were covered with photographs of her grandmother who had died a few years back. Mae had her curls, which she was struggling to love as a thirteen-year-old. She stopped at the doorway, leaning on one side of the doorframe and crossing her arms in front of her chest. Lidia was sprawled on one of the couch chairs, one leg dangling from the armrest, one hand reaching behind the chair. She was watching the 24h news channel again. It always seemed to go in repetitive cycles of five news stories over and over again, until something new happened in the world and they’d add that to the rotation. 

Mae cleared her throat. “Hi,” she mumbled, hoping Lidia wouldn’t hear her so she could go back to her room, where she’d shut herself until dinner time. 

“Oh, there you are!” Lidia said, struggling to shift her weight in the chair so as to see Mae properly. 

“Come. Sit, sit.” She pointed at the couch chair on the opposite side of the TV. Mae did as she was told and Lidia sat facing her, both feet on the floor. 

“Where’s grandpa?” Mae asked, trying to assess what this was going to be about. 

“Oh, he’ll be back soon. He just has a doctor’s appointment.”

Mae nodded and sank back into the chair, swinging one leg over the armrest and crossing her arms, apprehensive.

“Listen. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something that your grandfather… has raised some concerns about.” Lidia leaned forward, elbows on knees, and put her hands together. “He’s noticed, and frankly so have I, that you don’t take very good care of your hygiene.”

Mae, in disbelief, suddenly felt the urge to tear out of her own skin. What if I went out onto the balcony and jumped? It’s not that high, right? I might make it, she thought to herself.

“He’s worried about you. You show up rather filthy and smelly, and sometimes you don’t even shower when you get home. And you know, it’s not good to get in bed with all that sweat and dirt still on you. You always seem to have some grime on your neck too,” Lidia rubbed her own neck, an expression of disgust on her face, “so you really have to make sure that when you shower you scrub hard.”

Mae’s throat tensed up, and it became harder to swallow. Her face felt hot and tears were gathering in her eyes, but she was desperately trying not to blink so as not to let Lidia know she had gotten to her. She could take this. She would take this.

“Listen. I’m not telling you all of this to hurt you, right? I’m saying this because I know your grandfather never would, and I think it’s important that you know he’s worried about you. He cares about your wellbeing.” She paused. “It’s important that we keep this conversation just between us girls, okay?”

Mae managed to nod her head in assent and stood up, staring straight at the marble floor. Putting one foot in front of the other, she began making her way back. Lidia grabbed her right arm as she walked past.

“You understand, right? You’re a big girl now,” she said looking up at her.

Mae nodded once again and kept walking. On her way to her room she picked up one of the framed photographs of her late grandmother, the one where Mae is sitting on her lap as a toddler and her grandmother is gazing dreamily at her granddaughter, utterly oblivious of the camera. Letting her body fall onto the bed, Mae held the photograph to her heart and cried silently, aware of how thin the walls of this apartment were. 

A half hour later she heard the jangling of keys, and soon enough there was a knock at her door. It creaked open.

“Hey there, Mae.” A man’s silhouette spoke in a deep, grainy voice. "You ‘bout ready for dinner?” 

Mae turned the nightstand lamp on and sat up on the bed. “Sure,” she uttered.

“Great! You showered already?” 

Mae shook her head no, trying to stop her eyes from welling up again.

“Well, Lidia is still finishing up the salad, so you have plenty of time if you want.”

Mae looked up, but her grandfather had already walked away.